Prose poetry: A worthless warrior – 15/01/22

This life is worthless. It is worth exiting. I want to drown in the despair that this ward doe
bring. It erodes at you, they take each piece of you, break you apart. Take take, then unfa
give, this is what breaks my heart. I worked so hard for my talents, and now I’m expected
shine, shine shine away then be trapped taken given away. Like a prostitute I am sold for
mere collateral, I-know the feeling so well oh too well. So this is level ground, this is what v
call grounding, I do not find it amazing to not feel the soaring. The pain enraptures, disgust.
me their greedy, vile intent. And the desire oh the desire to fulfil my life purpose? Spent. I
am broken. I am a mere shell. I am nothing. You make that too clear, all too well. My esteen
is in the toilet, I played my tunes to thee, and then, categorical, you hurt me, with deep
chagrin. My mind is intact, but it is not, this rearrangement of ECT while we walk and talk.
They take from us, break us DOWN, and it’s a medical lobotomy with medication all round
my crown. I am upset beyond belief yet I cannot really feel the magic the oomph the pizazz
in my hand, nor the feeling nor desire to dance. What is it that encumbers me, this
medication, the regimented place, this disease, what is it that controls me? They do, like a
puppet I am to all three. I cannot help but feel worthless, not even worth a single cent, my.
time, our time was precious, but now we are approaching Lent, but I’ve already died inside,
you cannot feel my power, but my sadness, my Jesuit armour, and lacking of being your
warrior. Delusions of grandeur, one-oh-one. Mania for months, two-forty-two.
© Copyright 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.
Image from @Unsplash

2 Comments

  1. Hey honey,

    Wow, you must be feeling so many things right now. You are right in that it is frustrating to be in a place where you feel like everything is taken from you. I completely understand the feeling of being trapped, and thinking you are going to lose your talents. I’ll tell you what happened at my age 30. I learned I could no longer do martial arts like I used to. My dream of being able to fight in a big way was gone. I developed injuries and plus my mental health wasnt right at the time.

    It took over 20 years for me to realise the biggest thing I had to do. Was not worry but take a small pill. It helped me become so much more. I outgrew places like medical institutions, I made peace with life and was able to have a promising career again. You know my story, how I was in a gardening career that didnt suit me. And we suffered through struggles there. All I can say to you dear is that I am here to support you as much as I can, and I wont disappear ok.

    All your pains you are going through, they are going to leave you. You will be left with a new canvas to write from. This new canvas doesnt need pain and horrors to be written. You will see the beautiful sunshine again, the birds, the grass, the wind, the wild weather, an ocean, its current, everything. Life will only get better and better each day, and I learned that truth by taking what i should have taken long ago.

    You are a very great girl, super talented, very strong personality, beautiful in every way. I pray for your strongest recovery yet, and trust me, im on the phone, im writing to you, I will be an annoying persistence in your life that wont go away. Love you dear. Stay strong. Hang tough. You are great.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s