Author’s note:
Sometimes I like to look back at my drafts and see what was on my mind months prior, and how I constructed these realities into rhymes and words to soothe myself, express anger, frustration, upsets, or some such. This piece I feel still has some of these truths ringing in my current reality. Hence, I thought I would share it with you here today.
***
Unusual,
preposterous be these claims
that I am not worrying about anything
that should make me feel ashamed,
prisms of brightness flow,
spark within me,
as I recall these times
when my breath caught
in my chest:
of love, they made me
believe.
But these are lost,
fallen from grasp,
and memory is phasing,
walls erected,
happiness failing?
How can it be,
but I am more satisfied
alone,
in my own company?
My own lair,
my very own home.
Tirades now gone,
absent,
I can breathe,
I don’t have to deal
with issues that
seemingly are only
surrounding me
and what I could and
cannot provide,
why, I’ve no further time to
unravel that,
I cannot give what
I can’t,
I don’t want to
fall again into a rut,
nor hastily fall and slide.
Some may think it
selfish to look out
for myself but why,
at the detriment of
myself would I allow
my joy to be dragged down?
I cannot make anyone happy
if it’s myself I need to provide,
happiness determined solely
through another?
I can’t be along for
that ride.
Better yet to travel
on my own,
scenic, wisdom procured,
certainly homegrown,
I will continue
and perhaps I’ll find
something right,
if not, no matter,
because it’s my life,
and I’ll decide,
decide what I’ll provide,
on my terms it’ll be,
because this is my journey,
why shouldn’t I be
satisfied with my choices?
For me, they must be right.
I hope one day this will
be seen.
(09/10/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Image source: Photo by Alesia Kozik on Pexels.com
Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose 
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