Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose

Tag: reflective

  • Reflective Piece: ‘Inane Thoughts’ and Combating Low Self-Esteem

    Reflective Piece: ‘Inane Thoughts’ and Combating Low Self-Esteem

    When I was younger, I used to worry about the most inane of things. 

Why didn't I have enough Facebook friends, why didn't that boy call me back? Was there something wrong with me? Was I too overwhelming with my contact?

Then, how many calories in a thin slice of Cracker Barrel cheese? Because if I was going to eat heavy dairy, it be better taste-worthy. How much mass could I lose in one day? If the scales said 300 grams I'd be disappointed but at least it was something, right?

So, if I stopped drinking as much fluid to fill my stomach up, then surely the numbers would drop more?
Because I felt beautiful when I was skin and bone, did that make me otherwise when I was not?

Why were other people more confident than me? Why wasn't I progressing in life as easily?
Why did I get sick? Depressed, obsessed, manic? Why did I have these mental illnesses? 

I guess some of the questions weren't so inane, after all. 

A lonely girl on a broken path, wondering where she fit, trying to locate the scattered pieces of herself. 

And then I started to realise:

It wasn't about how I looked. It was about my personal outlook. How I viewed the world determined my emotions. And the way I treated others had a reactive effect on the way I then felt about myself. My self esteem slowly stopped plummeting when I stopped obsessing about appearances. Why had I focused so intensely on how I was viewed and perceived? A body is just a shell.  

When I thought less of myself and more about the world around me, such as passions and interests, my friends, my family, suddenly, things started to be less scary.

I became... happy. Then, happier, then satisfied in myself. I began to again chase my dreams, my passions, fervently. Weight became a non-issue. In fact, I became the opposite of what I long strove for, but it didn't matter to me, not anymore, because I accepted an image is an image, and a personal truth and belief can be but a mirage. 

Why am I writing all this? Why am I sharing these thoughts, you might wonder?

I want to share there's a silver lining to every cloud, no matter whether one's suffering, internally aching, unable to speak up about what is paining them. Please know you're stronger than you think.

  • Poem: Reflection – 03/07/20

    Poem: Reflection – 03/07/20

    Sometimes you can tell
what is lingering beneath
the surface,
the shining reflection
stares back at you,

and you understand
you’re that person
who wants and needs 
to express her existence,
through illness, 
through wellness,
which status, 
it does not matter,

your arranged words
determine the
careful revelations of 
your circumstances.

You then wipe the
reflection aside,
slap the surface away,
dig desperately
through the lake where 
memories lurk,
until you discover

bones and meat
and elbows and toes
and further down
your treasures:

your sparkles,
your fizz,
your fairy wings
which helped you rise
and fly lightly around the globe,

that light which had dragged
many unfortunate moths, 
toward their ending flame.

Yet you are far more intelligent,
you won’t allow yourself to burn,
with your wings and sparkles,
you sprinkle your 
considered phrases and words,

and then fly up and away, 
your tales are no longer unheard,
laden with surprises,
won't you continue to sparkle and shine?

© 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved. 
Image by Erica O. from Pixabay

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