Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose

Tag: insecurity

  • Poem: clear to see – 10/12/21

    Poem: clear to see – 10/12/21

    the metamorphosis is clear to see
    vials of perfume softly springing to mind, see?
    I remember you saying my name
    over and over,
    muttering in your sleep
    or was this just part of my former fervent dream
    wanting to be needed
    what a permanent picture;
    so dreary, so dreary,
    terrible need.

    many years spent travelling those
    desperately craggy mountains
    like that gypsy family
    seeking solace
    reverence within their country
    protection, sweet notions,
    extending their planning
    with ease,
    what does this mean to me? —

    to see, be heard, be seen,
    but not felt, no, not yet…
    the only tactile response will be what is calling
    to my mindset, leave pawing, clawing in the dust;
    there’ll be absolutely none of that.

    outrageously wise and perfectly contrite
    I siiiing with my presence by yours, theirs,
    myself by many a-side,
    and warranted yet are the prismatic rays of light
    bounding, bouncing forth, assign this nonsense,
    what a fantastical blur,
    this humdrum of renewed life.

    but I cannot be, I will not be without reference,
    I will dance in my seat without any form of sufferance,
    I will gather the cause and realise
    it’s enough, enough, to be wound, bound together
    do not cut the cord
    sever myself from the aspect that’s calling calling
    upon my bare feet like leech-covered lilies and
    vulnerable sticky pearls strung with the most
    delicate of ease.

    the world is yet to know my capabilities, my cause-and-effects,
    lustrous be thy truest form of genuine connection,
    soulful, calming and transparent temperament.
    (10/12/21)
    Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
     
    Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

    Previous Post: no more thieves – 08/12/21

    Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose

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  • Poem: A Gentle Reminder – 16/04/20

    Poem: A Gentle Reminder – 16/04/20

    Bulging eyes like those of a mute man’s persuasion,
an idiomatic world wreaking destruction
with its occupants not any worse or well off than the land they stand upon,
Ingot! Ingot!
Who told me you’re the one?
 
I never put on the shield of makeup without
first assessing the importance,
painting, changing,
it’s all required,
the heart is still at large.
 
The loathing,
self-loathing,
more insignificant
yet still there as a slight,
it stings,
its pain it will seemingly never repair.
 
And there is the sharp spike,
a prick in my heart
the poison,
fuel injection,
electric explosion,
my eyes they take in all
that swimmingly the pain receptors cannot.

A gelatinous feeling now overwhelms my flesh,
the unformed nature jiggles and sighs,
the athleticism is gone from those
once fit, toned calves and thighs,
my muscles ache almost as much as my heart,
of the present they quietly speak.

A butterfly comes to visit the tip of my nose
and suddenly in a flash 
I’m reminded to exist in the present,
to create my own formulation of self-acceptance and hope,
and nothing less or more in between,
nothing else withstanding.

© 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved. 
Image by David Englund from Pixabay 
Image by Larisa Koshkina from Pixabay

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  • Poem: “I am enough” – 12/01/20

    Poem: “I am enough” – 12/01/20

     I am enough the way I am, she scrawls over and over
 on the draft paper for algebra which 
 she really has no use for, 
 her math is terrible, best use 
 the sheets as they are to scratch and scrawl.
 Enough, enough, enough,
 she traces the letters, feeds the words,
 perhaps one day another person she’ll enthrall.
  
 An understanding that if she writes the phrase 
 often enough it’ll ring true,
 a sudden belief structure then reverently erected 
 like a mosque or a church
 present to preserve self-acceptance 
 and worship of her own worth
 for she does not accept these words, 
 round and round her calligraphy swirls.
  
 Empty loops and hollow introspection exist,
 to her, she is nothing right now, she is yet to become.
 The ink drags along with her flowing hand,
 reflections of prior motions, 
 self-directions.
  
 But enough, enough! with this self-pity and deep sadness,
 at a lack of acknowledgement for 
 her true internal development,
 she is enough, 
 always has been,
 always will,
 so saddening she needed to ink the phrase upon her skin. 
  
 Because now the mark speaks of how 
 she believed she was not enough,
 so much so that, insecurity rose and drowned her,
 to pay someone to mark her for life,
 with words in a calligraphy that was not mine. 
  
 © 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
 All images signed “LMH” 
 are copyrighted 2019-2020 by Lauren M. Hancock 
 and all rights reserved. 

 Photo by Bich Tran from Pexels

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  • Poem: “I am enough” – 12/01/20

    Poem: “I am enough” – 12/01/20

     I am enough the way I am, she scrawls over and over
 on the draft paper for algebra which 
 she really has no use for, 
 her math is terrible, best use 
 the sheets as they are to scratch and scrawl.
 Enough, enough, enough,
 she traces the letters, feeds the words,
 perhaps one day another person she’ll enthrall.
  
 An understanding that if she writes the phrase 
 often enough it’ll ring true,
 a sudden belief structure then reverently erected 
 like a mosque or a church
 present to preserve self-acceptance 
 and worship of her own worth
 for she does not accept these words, 
 round and round her calligraphy swirls.
  
 Empty loops and hollow introspection exist,
 to her, she is nothing right now, she is yet to become.
 The ink drags along with her flowing hand,
 reflections of prior motions, 
 self-directions.
  
 But enough, enough! with this self-pity and deep sadness,
 at a lack of acknowledgement for 
 her true internal development,
 she is enough, 
 always has been,
 always will,
 so saddening she needed to ink the phrase upon her skin. 
  
 Because now the mark speaks of how 
 she believed she was not enough,
 so much so that, insecurity rose and drowned her,
 to pay someone to mark her for life,
 with words in a calligraphy that was not mine. 
  
 © 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
 All images signed “LMH” 
 are copyrighted 2019-2020 by Lauren M. Hancock 
 and all rights reserved. 

 Photo by Bich Tran from Pexels

    Return to All Posts

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