from the depths of my soul
from the gateways of my being
I shudder with anger
distilling through me
its not purely the behaviour that perturbs
it’s the repeat offending that I know will remain
present and untoward
some will never change
this I hold true
pity me for believing:
I am a true fool.
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
admirable
this deceptive intent
I’ve known you from before and really, well,
the efforts aren’t well spent
for I can see through the cage-work
the fingers prised through the wired gaps
trying to get through
through to my heart
when I’ve made it whole from pieces –
a work of fastidious art
I am freer now
this much I truly believe
I can believe what’s become because I’ve been there
staring down the barrel of that emotional gun
set to decimate me again and again
because I allowed it
out of control
and fiery priestess I was
but now,
I am far calmer
I carry a gentler type of karma
something which reaches within and sings through
others’ heavy armour
lightening their load on their chests
their breastplates cast aside
allowing access
no more great pride
arrogance
and I don’t need to hide
ashamed of who I am was were
I’ve become as light as that travelling star
that memory of her you once held dear in your heart.
(22/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash
I carried a hope for you and I to be whole
to know it all together
for positive growth
there might not have been patience
but there really was truth
I could not ask for more but
explanations that I could only view analyse and
so I knew
I prayed for you to love me
to understand me further
as I tried to understand you
there’s no case in not wielding the ability
for self-sacrifice, I know
but if you won’t communicate how can I show
patience knowledge true kindness
but confusion anger upsets reigned
because I didn’t realise what was
going on in your life
this life, our lives perhaps will align
they may not please others but I have to watch out
for those who control their understandings of myself
and have known me over the years
enough, enough,
stop this nonsense, madness,
I can’t promise a thing just like
you cannot promise me the world
because there’s only so much I feel
that you can give
but love me love me
love the world as you love them and you love us
(21/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by tabitha turner on Unsplash
woke up late
I didn’t know what I was all about
looking around with delirium
smiling to myself
at the fever I knew would begin again
the fervid burning of hope
at knowing
knowing
knowing
that what I pursue is worth the dreaming
allowing for facts of independence and fine fine times
achieved by chasing the high of gains
and frames behind the mirror depict
the moments which, are all the same,
but varied alike in their ability to capture the light
and tame my heart and soul and mind
with the memories of brightness and soul.
abundance fills my life in many ways
more ways than I can aptly appreciate
but I do,
I do,
I thank the lord for what’s being pursued
because he gave me the heart
the ability to strive forth with great intent
dragged away, away from the discussion of late
words spoken over and over
complaints negativity
didn’t warrant a picture
a place on my shelf?
No, keep away, keep away,
pain and feverish complacency can remain
where its now laid,
it shall stay.
(21/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
the righteous favour the brave
but the brave favour themselves
there’s little need to further delve
it’s just the way they display themselves
barbie girls upon on the shelf
awaiting their knight
to be rescued by the hero
victorious from the fight
they smile from cheek to cheek
pearly whites framed by pillows of
pale high society pink
waists as small as inched parading
eyes brighter than the cunning hunters
as of late
soaring the night air for their prey
they are fastidious but wouldn’t you know it
that, incredible, incredible
is the moment when they capture
the hearts and minds
of the passing toy soldiers beneath them
in their boxes the dolls smile smile smile
there’s much to be absorbed from their dials
but beneath the facets
the facades
not much, in a while.
lacking the ability to be whole
hearts empty as a vacuous vessel
veering this way and that to scoop up
as many airless dreams
as one can pursue and slew.
(21/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash
i wish i wish
to be seen for who I haven’t been before
a need to be admired for who I am becoming and more
not by others, no,
but by myself, for who I am, who I am now,
a genuine self-satisfaction for my hard work
my development my resilience my growth
it’s as though
I wandered the nights for hours and years
in the undergrowth
dampened spirits, lingering hope
every chance seemed uplifting, crazy,
the freshest answer to myself,
solutions to breathe,
but devastation only met me,
befell me and thus,
from success I would fall away,
I would flee.
unbeknownst to me,
my desires to be, to breathe,
to have every need felt heard seen
thwarted by the very process
desperately employed
highlighted
underscored
outlined
incorrect methods and knowledge half-researched
poorly spelled poorly cast
the magic was never truly there
because in my heart,
I didn’t understand… me.
i look back,
I think of her every day and every night
that little wild girl who just wanted the answers
to be loved in life
to have another hold her
and share their hopes, nights and dreams
not knowing what I know now
I have to enjoy my days for me.
life is so precious, believe,
every second to understand that I must appreciate,
feel and be.
(19/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
look at the glowing
a bed of starlight before me
burning in its fluidity
already passed but beauty present to see
to experience,
whilst being.
what is this luck that I feel
whilst basking beneath the starry warmth and the
shine of their moon
his smile is knowing
as though he’s telling me soon soon
but soon, for what?
my heart tells me to beseech
but my mind instructs me to wait
contemplate, contemplate
there’s no level of censure in my ability
to remain here, concentrate
on the future, away from the past,
beneath the rolling blanket at half-mast
part past eleven crawling seconds to midnight
to last to pass
I throw my head back and sing to the forlorn sun
hidden behind the tapestry of the night
awaiting the stars’ closing time
so she can again shine soon
and so can I
with the brightness,
effervescence I’ve found within
because, being sprightly has its benefits
thinking positively yields its merits
I yodel into the night as though I’m calling
for something lost –
perhaps I am, perhaps I am,
at least I’ve found my newest self,
pleasure to be gained,
my spirit, oh, how she soars,
the world is patient, waiting for her,
bright spark, to fully explore.
(19/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash
running free
it’s what I need breathe feel
the wind battering my face
as I take on new beliefs
knowing internally what this will cause
what type of effect
no denial in me
shedding skin
cocooning complete
what is done
done done done.
I can no longer hold
that false bravado
satisfied feeling
eyes rolling to the ceiling
knowing knowing
now what’s better for me
and what must remain attached
with caution
running free running free
delicate contractions,
prized so desired actions.
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash
greedily I take that Fate
wash me down take selection of late
admiringly I grin, accepting the moment
just that while
this is a date
I take his hand he offers me
I feel less alone but I don’t need
another to adore me
but commonplace these emotions be?
I just need the ability to continue to breathe
without any nuances or heaving consumptives
my chest is burning from exertion
much intrepid condemnation
and what I must say is that I am
aware enough for all of them,
caught off guard will I never be
gullibility and naivety
no no no
it’s hard to break well-worn habits
but this is the way it must be
my friends, my dearests, what is it that compels me
what is it that draws me
to complicate the procedure of Life?
Surely there is no need:
to live simply and happily is the aim
it is enough
I am we are it is enough the way we are/am,
slash this need for conformity and accept
the wholeness of Fate,
strength within, outwardly cheeky expression,
I am living living living
so joyous, no need for rubbish.
Complications can stay out of
my life.
(16/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Kayra Sercan on Unsplash
carry on carry on
there is no time to regret
past mistakes are mere moments
take them with a grain of salt
nothing more they’re already spent
learnt lesson learning lessons yearning for more
in a while
because what is suffering is my heart
aching heart
for quite some time
with many a-frantic style
carry on dearest
there is nothing to fear
look forth for something sparkling
to focus your dreary eyes near
because you deserve that light in your eyes
the widened delight
god knows I was suffering many eons
many plights
just to meet my match
my path my past all down the drain
in fright? No, I will wrangle my memories
and set them alight
spent many hours weeks years
detailing this fight
this desperation
for someone to complete me
but here’s the crux of the suffering
I am here already
I am me
I don’t need to reach a hand out
to clasp another
to airily dream
to encapsulate me with this ambiguous other
for time, precious time
so much was wasted chasing mice not men
and then underneath the surface
were cataclysmic moments
but why ponder
why go under?
trudge forth
no, fly free,
being the best that I can be
and then I’ll announce myself as ready,
ready for the world to see
well, I’m already prepared, perhaps already there
it’s the journeying that means this much
so ever much to me.
(14/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Alexandru Acea on Unsplash
Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose 
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