Where is the bite, where is the snarl, where is the slightly obnoxious nature to my scrawl? Why is – here – softness shown when all I wanted to portray was bite, snarl, bite? Isn’t it odd that revealing vulnerability can make me feel so empowered then sickly weak inside? Like reaching to touch the underside of a floaty blue bottle jellyfish, it is enticing, appears so tender, yet danger silently lurks, its mesmerising imposition, the impending poison speaks of my scrawled pains, too. I can rediscover my spikes, my ability to cause chaos, the alliteration, the harsh ck ck ck, no wide mouthed assonance, no openly assessing audience tasked with observing my aching abnormalities, I’ll sink my teeth in, create a toxic pair of punctures for my poison to glide its way through. Then the venom can flood, overwhelm this Surviving Victim – am I truly such a thing? My latent negativity can overwhelm them, you, last night you subtly alerted me to this. I have sadly travelled throughout recent years on a path of personal bitterness which repels, and negative swimming thoughts toward myself, they’re not purposeful, but they are well practiced, this bite has become well-worn. Am I truly an overly grumbling entity who should simply brighten her mindset, because that is easier to see? It’s not so simple, I’ve lived with snark and bitter tones the last few years of my adult life, I shall try, however, to allow the kindness to rise from beneath, penetrate my being, and speak such kinds words to myself because, maybe I am deserving of these. Then, my acerbic tone may dissolve, the cuts upon my paining tongue, healed or removed, whichever self-imposed punishments I practice thrown away, I can hopefully again be labelled as free, having shed this layer, this skin, this disease, of coldness, sadness, and dismay. One can still retain the bite without making the world feel uncomfortable. © 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved. Image by Olya Adamovich from Pixabay
YouTube Poem videos: Lauren M. Hancock Poetry
Thats a bitter taste
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It wasn’t meant to be saccharine sweet this morning. 🙂
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