Tag: mental health

  • poem: robotic heart – 24/03/22

    poem: robotic heart – 24/03/22

    the standard rhythmic drum won’t work anymore,
    it’s not befitting to pound to the pulse of another’s heart,
    not when you alone know where to recommence –
    life truly is art.
    instead, her melodies, chosen to alternately warble about her,
    she and him, sometimes others, but back to him,
    a tear threatens to erupt
    from the dormant succession of her formerly frozen heart,
    it’s as though she should quash feelings
    signs of ‘weakness’
    true emotions we are never
    meant to see,
    express:
    where’s that opening to ravage,
    insert a rusted key…
    damaged, disasters,
    they went too far,
    whilst awaiting her to prepare
    to together look at the galaxy and her stars.
    she fell instead, nothing left to say, nothing more,
    to drag one’s name from the etched pavement,
    at least her time was predominately saved.
    that’s the thing of it, the matter
    throughout it all,
    she still possessed her beautifully poignant
    desire for a rapid rise to power.
    let us begin,
    all truths be told,
    hour by hour upon hours.
    © 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.
    Artwork by 0fjd125gk87 from Pixabay.

  • poem: the lake – 11/03/22

    poem: the lake – 11/03/22

    amazing though is this air I breathe
    wanton duck melodies from the lake
    make me sing
    their quacks and quacks speak of more
    than what’s implied by them
    with a dear friend around the lake I
    take a turn and admire ducks, smile at happy mothers,
    children, and puppies with men.
    I am animated, she listens with quiet calm,
    by her side, I need no longer need take her arm,
    for days of physical support are not near,
    there’s nothing to help me, nor there to fear,
    while anxiety can burden, it’s not featuring here.
    Our friendship, o’er long years,
    with gaps, sliced by angled swords,
    the silences lingered, anger had been present,
    could be heard,
    but through it all, a line of devotion and loyalty,
    illness an immutable thread
    but never each other’s enemies.
    She will always be my friend, she’d said,
    words which touch me now and blessed me then,
    a slight choking of the throat at gratitude from a
    wondrous, forgiving woman,
    for friendship with myself, would not have been
    the easiest to keep sealed,
    my angered mouth bubbled over at times,
    but she remained with great devotion still.
    I am not a goddess, I am not someone to be revered,
    I am not a higher being, I am simply myself –
    and when in the mood, other characters,
    so self-assured,
    but in the end, I am me, myself, and
    there’s nothing from that which can decline,
    to some I am the apple of their eye,
    and to some, they wish for me to evade their current times.
    I’ll focus on my loved ones, and kind friends such as she,
    there until the end, together, even in absence and solitude,
    her momentary absence not a mystery.
    I will and do understand her occasional need to pull away,
    gaze at the lake, with quietness away from my chirping
    and tunes,
    a moment’s peace, a mindful exercise,
    then returning by my side for the conversation
    to be properly seen through.
    © 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.
    March 2022
    Photo taken by myself.

  • poem: the colours, a beginning – 11/03/22

    poem: the colours, a beginning – 11/03/22

    The colours, they always brought me hope,
    Aura-binding, hue-enhancing,
    Pink, yellow, blue, green, indigo,
    But where is the pink, the love I know?
    I went through life from goals to achievements,
    Strengths to knowledge,
    Triumph and growth,
    But I fell apart,
    Underlying predisposition,
    Some of us break at the seams,
    Myself: undiagnosed manic depressive.
    Etching large shadowy figures on my
    Bedroom walls,
    Self-harm,
    Tears they would fall,
    Such joy, elation at some
    Then tirades I’d turn,
    Over perfectionism,
    What was going on…?
    My warning signs?
    Even I failed to learn.
    So begins my tale,
    Decade-long struggles
    Horrifying relapses to be

    witnessed and unfold
    Truth be told
    Not all needs enormous detail…
    (C) 2022 Lauren M. Hancock poetry and prose. All rights reserved.
    Image from Pixabay

  • poem: schizoaffectivity – 08/03/22

    poem: schizoaffectivity – 08/03/22


    SCHIZOAFFECTIVITY
    family can be a strange thing.
    One minute you’re loved then the next you’re like a pestilence,
    an unwanted being.
    Of course, bringing it upon oneself, well, that’s something different,
    but in the end, I was made the tyrant,
    laid away on the shelf
    though only temporarily.

    And I suppose, I suppose it is so,
    this falling-apart thing that happens to my mind
    when I go temporary awry,
    momentarily insane,
    is this the pushing button inside, or on my brain
    that makes me ill for two closed months
    when I’m made to be locked away,
    my words spoken loudly in vain?

    I am just a patient,
    mentally, I have delusions,
    grand, carried out about the land
    and while I whine and scream,
    still want to shine,
    in my hand a small cup
    of perilous potions to be sucked down inside.

    The system wants to treat,
    they do it in the best ways they can
    but some they cannot help
    people like me initially
    on medications I feel they burden me,
    I choke.

    There’s nothing different about health these days
    in fact, there IS, but in time I will realise
    that some just wanted to help
    some were happy for me to shine
    and like the ordinary world,
    with some others, they wouldn’t pay my words
    a dime.

    I understand I can’t always please,
    temporarily the medicine makes me want to heave
    there’s just so much of it,
    my addled mind,
    years ago progressed from bipolar
    to schizoaffective disorder,
    whilst in my “prime”.

    This tale can go on far, far longer
    but I won’t give away the book,
    I just want others to have a peek in,
    have a tiny look,
    and oblige me this favour,
    won’t you take my words,
    many were my saviours,
    but most of all,
    close knit:-
    family, friends, and a brave tolerant doctor.
    And her protégé, of course,
    but I cannot name her.
    © 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.
    Cartoon photo by mohamed_hassan on Pixabay
    Original photo of myself

  • poem: kookaburras – 07/03/21

    poem: kookaburras – 07/03/21

    Kookaburras sing their laughter, two fighting for acknowledgement, one with the other, and galahs smile with their cheeky beaded eyes winking, oh my! and the lorikeets feast on our figs, damn it! Mum wants to know WHY. Why is it they are so greedy, sitting on the boughs so precious, looking for something delicious for a bird so pretty, one two flew the coup, out the nest, and well, life is just beginning. Slowly, slowly, starstruck, one is startled and soars to hide but her presence is noted, taken, assessed and made begotten, wondering what did she do to be ignored by hand holding little buttons?

    There is the cryptic and here within are the clues, of life we must undertake many different, many hues, I am certain that there will be challenges, here now I acknowledge the twittering magpies who always stay home with their children, and knowing their loyalty, I know our pills must be taken in order for the positive side of myself to inevitably be spoken and seen.

    Bespoke I was obsessed with but I must take nature in, for what she is, I am not truly a tempestuous thing, nor the tempest, not in reality, but here, I must feel the wind, the breath, and understand I am truly blessed and my life I can renew, and once again begin.
    © 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.
    07/03/22
    Image by Sandid on Pixabay

  • Poem: Placement – 10/02/20

    Can Redeemable I be, thy irreverent clause?
    A chink in the armour, karmic retribution calls?
    Truth tells, forever yours?
    I’ll be loyal, less judgemental and kind,
    But boy how I will need to bite my tongue at perceived thieves who wish to reach and ride alongside.

    I will smile and be lovely, teach the students about my condition daily,
    But did I feel comfortable enough to allow them to see?
    No, this bristling anger, this aggravation felt within me.

    Within this soul is the devils clasp, gripping me surely tightly forever it seems he will outlast
    I do not know how to cause the grievances and illegitimate littering around a litter of short tongued beings biting at the bit for a ride of sorts, a trot, a canter, should we gallop, dare I beg to ask?

    Because what calms me is him, the big M, the man himself, from a far off land he hails,
    Mozart cures, he develops, him to me he brightens with joy and overwhelms.

    I love this source, the Source, of very life itself m, magnificent it would be to touch this master’s pages, originals, my heart, I would gasp.

    So how now is my mental health, you might ask? The term there dancing on everybody’s hearts.
    Well well well, I am getting there, I am improving, I am becoming better, a gentle rewording, a subtler knowing. Pages of cadenzas on the paper singing songs Melodies for one another
    Mozart, won’t he pen another melody,
    His giggling curio so lovely to see feel, whilst he be?

    Changing my keys,
    Unlocked by nobody but those who can truly see
    My irreverences were part and are in part of my melodic manic suffering,
    Won’t you dance with me?
    © 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.

    Image from Google

  • Poem: the constant common denominator – 08/02/2022

    Poem: the constant common denominator – 08/02/2022

    It feels so natural to speak the truth

    Embedded with Constance to see me through

    Upon the tips of my tongue

    A hullabaloo

    And an irrevocable meaning, melding

    Of heartfelt growling too.

    They’re, we’re indestructible, I know,

    View the airiness within me as my two delicates rose

    I need not have not

    Want for material things because the truth is

    My spirit is soaring.

    No matter what you say or do

    You cannot take me from the stars

    From the skies

    The sighs and I quickly taste that bitter pill

    Of poison

    For some refuse me heavens door

    No matter how hard I rap or knock

    I cannot get in …

    Frantic cries for Doc!

    The paid spread the mayhem

    LOST

    I calm myself

    It’s only motes

    Or dust

    My being is travelling

    Astral through the sky

    Whisper I sleep prettily and dream of

    Wonderful butterflies

    Shush as they encompass me

    Their light winged air begging me to stare at

    Their wondrous dramatic colours of sweet rich hues

    Nothing like where upon the earth,

    We are hunted for training

    For sailing for achievements

    For ENTERTAINMENT and more

    I am no more a sheep for fleece as steak is to hunger

    I refuse to be your sacrifice any longer r

    Before those guilty of harbouring powers from me for so many years

    Stuff you and your sister and your job cause your beard, because hey,

    I kinda like your beard. 🙂

    Returning in all seriousness, don’t cease my ability to soar, I don’t NEED you now, all I needs myself is my mind, my wits and the ability to laugh at funny situations.

    Because laughter shared is happiness gained, my love. Did you not know that?

    I like you more or less. 🙂

    (C) copyright 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.

  • Poem: dreamy – 07/02/14

    Poem: dreamy – 07/02/14

    Work on myself

    I’ll show you how I work

    When I clean sweep wash the karma from me until its distilled and green

    I’ll talk it walks!

    Watch me as I work to cement myself as mint grey

    And the colours of the rainbow

    Visitation? Come what may.

    I’ll show you how I work,

    When my soul is spotless clean

    Everything in taciturn and emblematic as I’m seen

    Watch the bridges burning red as I terrorise the torrents

    vaporise the nonsense

    That’s ingrained within my addled mind

    Watch me as I work it work it

    Move it drop it fix it stick it

    Moving around as though I’m in it

    Watch me bloom from within my turret

    The pink and black and stars of the sky with bending upon knees to see me as I cry

    The wanton need to always be seen has crystallised

    I’m perfectly clean, can’t you see?

    And you, and you?

    How about me?

    I will sleep soundly as I dream.

    The first dream of this century

    Where I didn’t want or need for anything other than being

    Happy.

    Now is this ending so ultimately dreary?

    Anything but, I believe it’s rather dreamy.

    (C) copyright 2022 Lauren m. Hancock. All rights reserved.

  • poem: the matter be – 02/02/22

    poem: the matter be – 02/02/22


    astounding though the matter be,
    at least I can still think, breathe, sigh and see
    not many people can say this
    and not many can attend
    to this tiresome irksome being stuck inside
    my head

    she is me a part of me
    the opportunistic thoughts of me
    when I’m scrambling for power then I need to
    convalesce
    become redundant there
    that side of the world, I I lost my drive

    but in terms of general threaded consciousness

    I know I am able I know I am true
    I can pick the stitches as well as sew them
    even out the ripped turret
    surrounded by green eggs and Sam I Ams.

    Protection here from the finest I will survive this
    arduous path
    these words I struggle for sleep
    enough is enough
    life can be tiresome
    but for all the healing happiness in the world
    it’s worth it.
    (02/02/20)
    © 2022 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
    Image from Pixabay

  • poem: amazing grace – 20/01/22

    poem: amazing grace – 20/01/22

    amazing grace,
    learning to not take centre stage,
    but to share attention and time with others,
    growing less selfish and learning to enjoy a new family
    learn and love
    amalgamate share energies —
    enough!

    I retreat, the Hermit, the rowboat goes on and on down a canal
    led by my hero of the tale,
    but the truth of the matter is that i am really so self assured out in public and in company
    but here, secluded, I am bitter, grumpy, temperamental and nasty.

    I thought i could not help it but i learned to chew the bit and hold my tongue
    for long enough long enough to prove responsibility and a resolution to improve:
    so tough.

    I was their punching bag, or so it seemed
    though i assumed a dereference and respect from those whom
    i desired to deflect
    understanding the need to get along with differing personalities
    and reassuring that that i can do this
    surely i will do this with ease
    ease of intent
    i will get out of this bind
    hellbent hellbent
    out of the ward tot semi freedom
    the arms of wandering teams of carriers of rediscovered souls.
    (20/01/22)
    Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.