I scatter the ashes from dawn to dusk, breathe the fire raging within, overtaking much of my ire, and I glance all around, gather myself as I rooooaaaar that sound; I am calling, calling for something – I wait for an approach, ears pricked delicately for any tiny sounds. Then, bouncing and bounding are some terrible two, a pair of angry feline-like beings whom will not cease their stares, their venomous fangs they gnash and gnash my way… punishment? Although what ills have I performed? That’s not for me to say. I fend off the creatures, with their wild, wild stares and ferocious, swiping claws until they realise, I can well-word myself out of any situation, at least the concept is correct – with a peeling away, they retract with their intent so flawed.
In fact, I am as innocent as some wet leaf drifting down to Earth: heavy, soggy, but with a tiny bit of mirth expressed from I as I observe the less-than-buoyant thing, like him, my heart is heavy, but unlike him, I will make it, there is that certain journey. This leaf and I have something additional in common: we carry a heaviness and knowing that there once was no chance for ascension – or so it felt – because I gave into predilections, and that pathway I took, its consequences mattered not, for I was having fun, I would claim with bold insistence.
The rule books, out the window, there was no decorum to see, no adherence, no willingness to be righteous, less private, my business available to feel, view, breathe, until now I guuuust myself in the buoyancy of available air… Soggy, heavy? No! Nein, nein, nein, I will not recommence that fate, save that eventuation for someone else more worthy for Destiny’s cruel fate.
Over time, I have corrected my flight, my pathway, my right to determine my life with grace, honour, and might, I reversed the karma, strapped on, then off, certain armour, and now, free as an angel, I reserve the ability to side-swipe whomever with stars, stars, stars, irrevocable and blinding internal glamour. It didn’t come easy, this transformation of the self, it took dedication and hard work, but something that’s worth its weight in gold, more, in fact than this it is worth. It’s a life I live only once, and self-improvement was something I had to work on, I’m proud that I could decide, with the help, the assistance, support of many close others, I now know how to live, what to do, I am bursting with quiet pride.
(03/12/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose 
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