Poem: Bright Spark – 08/08/20

I am in my element in this state,
perpetual song and dance, 
electrifying dopamine and serotonin
I rise, I rise, I rise fast.
 
My wit and charm seem perfectly at hand,
I giggle, am sardonic, I laugh with ease,
of this state I’m trying to comprehend.
Is life playing tricks on me?
 
Is it the reduction of the mind-numbing medication that is what's causing me this
amazing bliss? 
This erratic showwomanship that’s causing me to smile 
and dance all over the place,
with my body’s withdrawal tick, tick, ticks?
 
My creativity soars,
is mania pre-empted?
Wouldn’t you like to take control of my oars?
Be responsible for temporary guidance?
 
I will toss them aside,
I don’t, who needs control
not when I can explode with wild laughter,
my energy bubbling and frothing,
enthusiasm flows,
but don’t you know this,
this state I am in, my eclectic humour and lilting wit can only 
grow, grow, grow, and grow?
 
I am impatient, I can definitely be self-satisfied, 
I can be easily amused, this brews and simmers inside,
I am impressed by my words
and my ability to throw forth clever jokes,
when I'm like this, 
I entertain others,
no chance of boredom, for that, 
there is no hope. 
 
My sounding board, he listens,
with amused chuckles he accepts my
chortling trills,
it’s nice to have another soul with whom I can talk
rubbish to for hours,
without their ear being bashed,
assailed by my sounds,
together we can share some verbal thrills.
 
Rather than thinking I am too outrageous,
that my character is simply too much,
I think I’m just returning to who I was
(lies)
before the medications were slapped upon me
(lies: you might need to replenish, 
stop the spare pills’ accumulation,
rather, send them to your insides)
a mind's clever tricks, recommendations of mine.

I should know better
but I am being optimistic,
bipolarity flies from within me,
I love this freedom,
the ability to daily and nightly dream,
I am living for the moment,
I am so happy to finally be here,
the abnormality here is none!
In this state I am positively flowing.

I cannot quite believe it,
it seems there's a wave of rolling applause and excitement,
I must attend to the imagined need there is,
heaving and ready, 
thank you for being here yourselves,
and here for me,
I tentatively smile, then beam, 
yes, why, of course,
all is as it seems.

© 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Vitória Santos from Pexels

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8 Comments

  1. Mania is an interesting place. Before I was medicated, I had this overdrive of achievement thing going on. When I was younger, my martial arts training at that time was all about speed, achievement, knowledge, being better than others. When you grow up with that mentality, and mania takes over, I can’t quite remember what I did, but for 7 years I worked everywhere, travelled the top of this country to the bottom, and just had too much going on. When I speak of the brightness and colours of it all, I relate so much. The things we can see, do, be and imagine during mania. My goodness, we are all brilliant artists in some form of life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mania certainly gives us the drive to achieve what without it may seem impossible. It provides us the ability and giddiness to realise maybe, maybe, we can do this, in fact, it’s not even a maybe, it’s a definite! It makes us feel invincible, incredible, powerful. At least, these are feelings I derive from this state. Thank you for sharing your experiences with mania, Michael. We are all most certainly brilliant in our own right.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you. You’re right too about the invincibility part. I’ve never felt more powerful in a delusive state. I did some pretty amazing things when completely out of it. How it was possible god only knows.

        Like

  2. Oh my god. I’m still under treatment and figuring it out whether I’m bipolar or it’s persistent depressive disorder with mood disorders… but man do I relate with this exuberant bubbly feeling that you’ve described in the poem. Honestly at this point I feel like a passive viewer while my doctor tries to figure out the puzzle that is mental health issues. I don’t even care what the label is. But I must admit the highs are lovely. It makes you feel so much at ease and free, and just as contrasting to that is the lows where you can barely find enough energy to get out of bed and just have this massive heaviness on your shoulders following you about like a thunderstorm brewing but never raining down just over your head. I guess the mania comes at a cost? 😅🙈

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    1. I’m glad you could connect with the feeling I portrayed in my piece, Shruba. And I myself can certainly empathise with how you might be feeling with your doctor trying to figure the puzzle of mental health as you so aptly put it – I can imagine it’d be a stressful and frustrating position to be in. But, yes, how glorious are those highs! They do come at a cost though as you noted. If only we could find a way to bottle them and consume at will without any consequential effects 🙂 Because the downsides can be terrible. That brewing, growling thunderstorm, well, sometimes it seems to linger for days on end.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know right! The highs are too rare and the lows last seemingly forever almost making us forget how the highs feel like. But I’m always curious about how you portray your emotions and struggles in your poems. Love it! ❤

        Liked by 2 people

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