Poem: First and Foremost – Spoken Word and Text – 25/06/20

Jovial and content,
happy, playful, sweet,
a way of living has evolved
from haphazard,
crazed dreams.
 
Where I tumbled
from one scene
to another,
trying to find where I belonged,
 
acceptance, love,
were what I was seeking,
the line thrown to reach them
rigid and taut.
 
No more slapdash or faux pas moments,
lacking of personal respect or dignity,
when trying to be cool,
outgoing,
effervescently fun,
 
doesn’t the truth sometimes prove itself
so sad, that tale to read?
The invisible ink in my journal runs,
of catharsis, I’ve no longer
any need.
 
The party girl,
while wild and popular,
only appeals
in that moment,
out of context,
her vivaciousness
can overwhelm,
 
I’d rather sit quietly,
penning a soliloquy,
read a beautiful sonnet,
or appreciate a heartfelt song.

Darker tales there are to tell,
crawling amongst
soot, filth,
and grime,
 
an underlining of
their facts,
they are acknowledged,
here recognised,
if I were more civilised,
I’d toast them away
with you
with hearty glasses of rich, health-coloured wine.
 
No real compatibility determined,
so many met,
yet my personality,
heart, looks, or mind,
did not seem to fit,
 
finally, I realised
I needed to be
happy, accepting,
and loving to myself,
first and foremost,
only me.
 
With true acceptance
came an
overwhelming sense
of realisation,
 
an understanding
of how much I’d
lost myself in
the naivety,  
the flighty dreaming
of youth,
 
the one true love
I first needed was myself,
and only then
could l reach out for
the hand
of another,
this is truth,
 
to have,
to hold,
to care,
to acknowledge as a
warming, doting other,
someone who will always be there.

© 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved. 
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay