I lay myself away
to sleep,
rug myself up,
curled,
not a single peep,
and rock, rock as though
I’m in need of solace myself
for it’s not often
in my world I feel
the need to cry out
for help.
Yet tonight seems empty,
lonesome though I am,
I cannot drag myself
to the phone,
or to the other room,
to open arms,
welcoming heart and hands,
no, quiet I am,
here now without need to
rest, for sleep,
pining is my pulse’s melody
for something, or someone
less bitter, but sweet.
How circumstance has
allowed me to feel lost
without shared voices,
the constant need
for chatter,
for smiles,
boisterous callings,
giggles, confident loose laughter,
bouts of sarcasm and bite,
but only in good humour,
voices peal into the night.
And when the connection
is broken,
the silence, emptiness
creeps into place,
I’m not used to talking
with a best friend
without their face in my
visual space,
but the quietness now
it unnerves me,
I’m unused to my
own company,
suck it up, I tell myself,
no need for gloom and misery.
Solitude is not the best
right now for me,
I grab my knees close,
rock furiously,
mindlessly,
keeping myself occupied,
softly, knowingly,
burdened by the deafening silence,
all with saddening ease,
loneliness flows from me.
© 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo from Cats Coming from Pexels
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