Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose

Tag: sadness

  • reflection: sadness and awakening – 29/03/22

    reflection: sadness and awakening – 29/03/22

    On this path of awakening, sometimes sadness overwhelms me. Today, I spent mostly in bed, sleeping away the misery. I have stagnated, all energies no longer move forth, I snipe, I want to be heard, but in complaining, my head is then bitten off, my thoughts fail to unwind.

    I don’t need solutions, I need to be listened to, and that realisation needed to be attended to. But then words like a drill sergeant were barked in my ear; I wanted to retreat, sleep further, have the cruel tone nowhere near.

    I am rarely like this. So when I am, I want to be allowed to wallow, be morose, as some might put it. The answer is this: just listen, do not yell nor hiss, I don’t need raised voices, what I need is kindness.

    Eventually it arrived. I thanked them for this.

    (c) 2022 Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.
    Photo by darksouls1 from Pixabay.

  • new life

    what i need to do

    what im trying to do

    is clear the toxicity from my words and my mind

    its a journeying

    its a process

    humbling it is in style

    to wake up and realise how irreverent I’ve been

    so utterly disrespectful to the ones i love and need

    i am ruining them i have ruined them

    their hearts and minds within a dream

    by aching words i am now suffering

    feeling the pain at knowing what i said how i spoke

    was far less than comfortable or tame

    i can only bleed so much energy for i am splattering with ease

    the ink blots the chimney tops

    roar to life as burn pillage the hunted one

    but i am here i am resting relaxing my ailing mind

    and somehow ill know ILL KNOW that i will make it through again

    turning over those hinting leaves
    and reassuming my good goals

    (c) Copyright 2022. Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose. All rights reserved.

  • Artwork: the lantern – 04/12/21

    Artwork: the lantern – 04/12/21

    the lantern meant to light my way
    brighten my path and send me sway
    with her i thought i would travel, gain
    but same same same
    the admirable? extravagant pain.
    Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved. (artwork, poem)

    Previous Post: Poem/Audio: contemplation — gusting down to earth – 04/12/21

    Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose

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  • Poem: transparent duration – 01/12/21

    Poem: transparent duration – 01/12/21

    as time passes
    the seconds allow me to
    comprehend
    to ascertain
    to understand

    that duration is really just a
    dependent notion
    when one is hoping for some form
    of deep contemplation

    analyse the silences
    the breaths unmade
    the sleeves of unspoken words
    heard felt seen

    the trailing of ellipsis
    what is this business
    of wondering
    waiting
    delving into my open chasm
    of ticking hands, unwanted and unfree?

    tirades not expelled
    why, there is no form in this,
    shapeshifters, need to delve,
    a prism of understanding
    no need to be handed the key
    and warranting the notion
    that sadness is a well
    a swirling potion
    a knowing
    all-knowing
    sins wrought,
    I didn’t commit any of them

    just a misunderstanding
    discomfort
    but to speak further would trump
    the lot of them.

    should one censor choice words
    when being themselves
    speaking freely
    no motives in place
    only transparency…
    (30/11/21)
    Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.

    Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

    Previous Post: Spoken Word/Poem: gusty aura – 01/12/21
    Previous Post: vivid radiance – 30/11/21

    Lauren M. Hancock Poetry and Prose

  • Poem: Writer’s Blocked – 23/08/21

    Poem: Writer’s Blocked – 23/08/21

    I don’t feel like writing,
    no inspiration to scribe,
    my subconscious thoughts
    once delirium,
    no vacuous,
    I want to hide,
    to burrow my thoughts beneath
    the doona,
    my sheets,
    embarrassed, uninspired,
    where have you gone, Poetic Dreams?

    Replaced instead with moods,
    dreary, morose,
    I cannot see positivity further
    than my nose,
    what happened to the ability
    to contemplate? It seems
    it’s gone with the wind,
    awaiting a delivery, please.

    Extract from my mind
    the encumbrances,
    the barriers to ambiance,
    the inability to fly freely
    with the pen,
    my mind, it needs to mend,
    to see itself, its contents
    in the reflection
    then thought’s will be
    quantified,
    quantifiable,
    my ability returns
    to be seen.

    Gently, tenderly
    then will great haste
    and aplomb
    my pen’s ink dances
    across the paper
    sending my soul alive
    from numb,

    pulsating with fervent hope,
    delectable swirls and loops,
    my frantic handwriting’s proof
    that listless writer’s block
    can be wiped away
    with hopeful, passionate views.

    I shan’t allow my feelings
    which depressed,
    to return, again,
    at least not so soon,
    I will bask in the luxurious luminance
    of the inspiringly full and
    enlightening Moon.

    Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
    Image source

    Previous Post: Incandescent – Lines of 7 – 23/08/21

    Previous Post: Bright – 21/08/21

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  • Poem: Battlefield – 19/07/21

    Poem: Battlefield – 19/07/21

    As I sit in my rocking chair
    I ponder to myself,
    what is there to contemplate or even know,
    how should I proceed in life,
    these stumbling blocks keep coming,
    they are rife,
    and they trash my days and hours,
    slitting them open like warm butter
    attacked with a knife.

    Eyes within, they glower,
    witnesses who think they know me more than me,
    so much better,
    they glance upon with mediocrity in their eyes,
    pity begins to flower.

    I cannot help myself,
    despairing feelings overwhelm,
    they irritate and sadden me all
    at the same time,
    emotions coagulate,
    they brew inside of me,
    whilst the others watch on freely,
    I’m ashamed in this moment
    to be such a sensitive entity.

    Because usually, generally,
    I am adamant,
    I do not let damp sadness get the
    better of me,
    and yet
    here I am,
    looking out upon myself,
    like a sad sack of sand on the pavement,
    where is my power,
    my strident ability to rise above
    this ailment?

    Still, I sit,
    rock and rock away,
    mechanically, forward and back,
    whiling away the day,
    and eventually, the aches and groans internally
    might fade away,
    there’s no room for brightness but
    at least the clouds have maybe cleared
    for the day.

    And perhaps this is all a mere moment which will
    pass away,
    the gloom will leave this room,
    this mental space, cavity, prison, I’ve assumed,
    soon I will take the reins
    and ride forward, tossing my mane here and there,
    astride will I ride into battle
    without a single care.

    And then I will pre-empt the almighty force
    that beckons and crawls to me
    making me feel so unassured,
    I will become belligerent toward the pain,
    I will hunt it down,
    I will triumph above,
    sadness squeals in vain,
    how about that,
    I tell the witnesses,
    as I dismount my beast,
    evermore the battlefields with my
    courage and valiant honour
    are stained,
    I have allowed them to see
    the true me.
     
    © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
    Photo from Pexels

    Previous Post: ‘Away Without Leave’ – 18/07/21

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  • Poem: Seasonal Affective – 17/07/21

    Poem: Seasonal Affective – 17/07/21

    Today’s been a struggle
    I must openly admit,
    not feeling seasonal affective,
    but rather seasonally dejected,
    my mind, it swims with sadness,
    amiss is my prowess, my brightness gone,
    my ability to deal with
    rejection or silence
    when reaching forth to others
    with smiles or hopeful song.

    I know the root cause,
    the depletion of my nightly dose,
    and also the lacking of ample sleep
    which my body and mind are
    craving the most,
    my ability to combat little things,
    my lacking in ability to cope,
    why can’t I be like others,
    or simply possess the usual
    resilience of myself?

    I know I must sleep,
    I know I must practice self-care,
    but how can I lay my head
    down to rest
    when I am unable to
    stop my mind ticking,
    from working in a manner where
    every ounce of energy is sapped?

    My energy stores refuse to replenish themselves,
    I should knock myself on the head,
    and tell myself
    enough is enough,
    you need the former amount,
    don’t be stubborn,
    reinstate your medication dose!

    © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

    Previous Post: Sunshine Blogger Award! – 16/07/21

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  • Poem: Tall Stars – 08/07/21

    Poem: Tall Stars – 08/07/21

    Closing time,
    the curtains shut,
    enough of this pantomime;
    we’ve watched smouldering stars.

    Time and time again
    we’ve viewed crashes and burns,
    from deep evening
    into the precious morn.

    As surely as they’ve arisen,
    they began spectacularly falling,
    stories resplendent,
    some unusually stalling,

    highlights of the millennium,
    highlights of the times,
    wonder not at their endings –
    significant pages finally calling.

    And duration of life
    seems longer
    the more we linger,
    beckon, tempt
    the stories further,
    coax forth –
    encouraging hands and fingers.

    Stars, tell your tales,
    share your stories in full,
    otherwise relinquish your memories
    to the handsome, awaiting Moon.

    © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
    Photo by Rakicevic Nenad from Pexels

    Previous Post: ‘Sing My Melodies’ – 07/07/21

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  • Poem: Stitched – 28/12/20

    Poem: Stitched – 28/12/20

    Brightness, wholesome, warmth.
    Everything because.
    Everything near.
    Everything far.

    I mend and stitch and fail because
    that chasm need not fixing;
    it’s meant less darned,
    more gaping,
    it does not need my solving.

    This situation is no longer my responsibility,
    I listen carefully,
    hark at the words,
    knowing that allowing myself to fall
    by the wayside,
    is the decision best for me.

    It’s self-preservation,
    and protection of thoughts,
    and protection of that smarting feeling
    within my heart,

    the sadness, I will rise above
    and smile despite, because,
    I was a part of something,
    and now, no matter that I’m not,
    I’m still intact,
    and that’s a fact.

    (Early Nov. 2020)

    © 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved. 

    Photo by Lisa Woakes on Unsplash

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  • Poem: Languishing – 02/09/20

    Poem: Languishing – 02/09/20

    I tell myself
that everything will be okay,
but I languish in bed for hours.
I lie here, my consciousness aching away,
my stomach anxious as I wonder
not what the distant future will bring,
but the next minute, next seconds, next hours.

I do not know how to deal with this despair,
I practiced positivity these last days without a care,
but what’s settling in is this irrevocable gloom,
of unknowing, what will come,
or whether things will change at all soon.

It’s like looking up the steepest hill,
some would think, “Keep going” and keep aiming for the summit,
but I, I am exhausted,
and I’ve barely performed any exertion,
but mentally,
inside, it’s a circus.

These times are trying for many,
and I know this,
I’m not selfish for how I’m feeling,
and I understand that others are suffering,
perhaps I could reach out a hand,
then I remember we’re discouraged from this,
I must keep my distance,
but wait,
I’m already doing this.

These four walls which once seemed like luxury,
a newly-developed introvert’s home
are caving in on me,
I want to disappear,
but then it seems from the outside world
I’ve already achieved this.

© 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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