bursting at the seams
who thought a mindless act like this
could whisper many dreams?
aching at the midriff
yet calling, wanting more
reach into that cupboard:
what’s in store?
I know it’s unwise to continue,
to carry on with this mission of sorts
but nutritionally body is craving it
dying for it
is this the truth? Perhaps not yet,
I’m not so sure.
caught up in the haze of the moment
confusion as I reach, shovel,
satiation refuses to reign,
so many months,
so many hours,
unravelling hard work,
but, required all the same.
it’s not so frequent but it is becoming more prominent
my resolve my stoic nature is beginning to soften
I tell myself, it’s fine, a once-off,
will rectify damage the next day,
self-absorption not, but obsession where I lay.
numbers tracked logged
today I must take off
there’s little point in detailing
when today my mission is a failure, failing
cannot stop myself
I don’t want to even try
it’s become something I do
and for certain others viewing
a plaintive tear in the corner of their eyes.
improvement is possible
if that’s the way I wanted it
but what I deem important and a benefit
is different from those coming from Wellness
it’s a matter of perspective
it’s a matter of my urge
it’s a matter of what drives me
and for me, continuing feels like a surge
lightning rods of control coursing through
my heart is adamant
pinpointed eyes the focus within my brain
I will continue on because it is what drives me
I am compelled
I must control, control
and this is my urge,
today’s downfall hopefully is just a spell,
it shouldn’t happen for a while,
stop, I implore.
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash