i wish i wish
to be seen for who I haven’t been before
a need to be admired for who I am becoming and more
not by others, no,
but by myself, for who I am, who I am now,
a genuine self-satisfaction for my hard work
my development my resilience my growth
it’s as though
I wandered the nights for hours and years
in the undergrowth
dampened spirits, lingering hope
every chance seemed uplifting, crazy,
the freshest answer to myself,
solutions to breathe,
but devastation only met me,
befell me and thus,
from success I would fall away,
I would flee.
unbeknownst to me,
my desires to be, to breathe,
to have every need felt heard seen
thwarted by the very process
desperately employed
highlighted
underscored
outlined
incorrect methods and knowledge half-researched
poorly spelled poorly cast
the magic was never truly there
because in my heart,
I didn’t understand… me.
i look back,
I think of her every day and every night
that little wild girl who just wanted the answers
to be loved in life
to have another hold her
and share their hopes, nights and dreams
not knowing what I know now
I have to enjoy my days for me.
life is so precious, believe,
every second to understand that I must appreciate,
feel and be.
(19/11/21)
Copyright © 2021 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
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