Poem: Better – 25/09/20

The rain pitter-patters against the window
reminding me of the melancholy I used to feel,
but now I am developing myself,
I am fusing myself together,
redetermining self-worth.

I need not chase the opinions high nor low
of yonder words to come,
need not seek the approval of critical strangers,
or unkind people who I’m not close with,
why, shouldn’t they matter little to none?

I seek your approval, because I care for your thoughts,
I seek the justice of your moments with me
because I am true with you,
together we become,
but I shan’t allow my life to hinge
on your thoughts of me anymore,
because I am stronger,
I believe in myself,
more and more and more.

It’s taken a while to reach this stage,
I’m merely dipping my big toe in the water,
who knows what there is to come,
who knows what’s happily living under,
what I will experience,
who will I meet,
on my journey,
this life path indeed.

I sit on the riverbank and wonder,
why was I so needy,
why was I so temperamental,
why was I so melancholy,
why was I so angry?

Needing others’ affirmation, day in and day out,
it was sickening,
I look back on those years,
no wonder I was not blooming.

But now, my heart is open,
at least its slowly opening up the shutters,
letting in the smell of that beautiful rain
pelting down,
and I know,
I know,
that things will be better from now on,
trust me,
I tell myself.

© 2020 Lauren M. Hancock. All rights reserved.
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

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